if i were honest about my suicidal thought

suicidal thought

it can be hard to understand for both people who experience them and for those trying to be supportive. it can be difficult to explain as they come and go, and for some it remain constant and being honest about them can be incredibly challenging, because the stigma surrounding mental health, and suicide in particular can make the topic uncomfortable for anyone.

so here's my experience with suicidal thought

i always think about it. EVERYDAY. it come and goes away. some days its in the far back of my mind but its still there. on the other days its in the front of me and screaming.


it following me like a shadow. its always in my head. whispering. it echoes inside. its frustrating because i want to die and live at the same time. i'm dying inside, but i've to live on the outside. it hard to open up. what hurts most is that no one would ever believed im having suicidal thoughts. not until i do something to myself ehh?


sometimes i will be having the happiest day of my life and i will look around at the people im with and think, "they'd be so much better without me


Just because I have suicidal thoughts, doesn’t mean I’m imminently going to take my own life. It’s like a black cloud that hangs over me, but it’s also a good indicator of when I need to reach out for help. I think about not waking up almost every day, but it doesn’t mean that I want to die. I love being alive but my brain tries to sabotage it against my will.


I don’t think so much about actively killing myself, but more like a lack of the will to live. Like not wearing a seatbelt, going outside at night alone, hoping for someone to break in and shoot me, etc. Just not trying to be safe in general.I struggle to see hope and reason. I sit there trying to focus on something else and it still attacks. I need someone to sit there and tell me that there’s hope and that I’m safe and everything will be OK.

I don’t like to discuss those feelings because it makes people panic and think I’m going to hurt myself when I just go to sleep at night and hope I don’t wake up again.

i feel like sometimes the world would be better without me. but then i stop, breathe, and look at all i have accomplished and what i have yet to experience.